My gut hurts.

I'm writing this, and in writing this I don't really know what I am writing about. I sort of do, hence the title "my gut hurts," but it's vague. Yes, vague! That is how things have been smelling, tasting, feeling lately. I can't quite pinpoint what it is that feels so blue, but there is a hue that enters my lens and leaves me lonesome, as though I'm the only one seeing it. I find myself lingering in eyes longer than I've known anyone to linger in mine. I can't be the only person that truly wants to know another. I know I'm not. But why doesn't anyone look deeply into me? Do they? Am I just not catching them...or am I just not letting them. I feel at times as free as a kite, tied to it's string, flying not far from the fingers that lead it. An illusion of flight, only getting as high as the rope is long. But I want more. And whose fingers are those that think they can lead better than I. I've tasted the sky so many times, only to be tugged back down and grounded. What is so great about being grounded.

Sometimes life feels a bit too cyclical. Will it always end up back here, in this space, where light seems elusive, freedom a joke, and truth just a concept?

The truth about truth

Uhm. Far too much to fetch. But drink up all you can. The dogs been salivating. The man will take his stand. A woman on the bench. She sits and waits for paper. Lines and lines of it. On her makeup
layers all her thoughts. That the man said NO. But she thought them still. And the paper flew
FROM her feeble hands. Back to doggy tongue. All back to the owner. Where the song was sung.
Uhm.

Love Lies and Cheese

"My sweater beats heart beats, like summer sun, in summer heat"
When I am facing, not erasing, Love, and Lies, and Ghouda Cheese.

Lone Bird.

Caught the Lone Bird Flu today. Anyone got the epidemic?

Good. I was hoping not.

Today has been one of THOSE days, you dig?

Some things I need to continue doing, or need to start doing:

1. Have patience with my music. Gently push through the hurdles. Give it up to my higher self. Trust.
2. Be selective with whom I spend my time with. People that want growth, that work towards growth, that are in touch with what surrounds them. People that are passionate, that breed love, that grasp the concept of compassion. People that long for unity, and most of all, people that stand for truth.
3. Say no, when I need to say no.
4. To choose enlightenment, over a quick fix.
5. To PLAY with life! To have FUN!
6. To not get caught up in pulling other people out of pain, but rather, be an example, of someone that has come out of pain.
7. To always see the bigger picture.

Okay.

Projections.

Does life have to be a mirror? Are we forced to, constantly, see only our one-dimensional reflection staring back at us? Or are we free? Free from projections? Free from the common entrapment of "mind" and "body?"

Today, I saw myself. I saw myself in a field of limp (was it, really?) grass. How it ignored the breeze. I watched it ignore the breeze! I believed in what I saw. I said, "yes, this field, is ignoring, this breeze." I thought, I had indeed, discovered something new. Resistance, amongst even the plants. But was it new?

Or was it just my state of mind?

Did those blades of green actually sway whilst my brain chose to believe in their lifelessness? Were they just as ALIVE and FREE as ever, billowing against the tide of wind? Was I truly that stuck in myself, that I was unable to see truth, even when staring directly at it?

Our ways of connection, have long been projection. But what if we were to break free from this? What if today, I saw truth. What if today, I saw the the blades of green sway? What if I accepted my less than limp brain, and allowed other experience into my life?

What if I didn't find comfort in falsified reality? What if real was enough?

If real was enough:

Movies would be obsolete. In fact, most forms of entertainment would be obsolete.

Why do we preach "real" to be so incredibly boring? Why is this never enough?

Some scream, "progression! This is what we need!"

I say, salvation. In the truest sense of the word. Stripping it of its religious connotation. Simply, saving. Shedding. All we need, is to shed. Because what remains, is our core. Our one, unified, light.

Today, I resisted my core. I claimed, I could not find it. That it was nowhere to be found. So instead, I chose to see my surface, everywhere. Even amidst the grass. And in this, I realized what it truly means, to see another (whether it be thing, or person, etc.), without projecting myself. Or at least, having enough awareness to note the difference.

all peace, and all love.